


Burden of Killing

by Blissaster



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blissaster/pseuds/Blissaster
Summary: Beau asked Caleb to stop killing their enemies."Your offensive magics are useful, I'll admit that. And I'm not trying to tell you to not fight, because I know you're a powerful wizard and I'd be an idiot to stop you from helping us fight. It's just... When the enemies are dying... You leave the killing blow to me. And if I can't, you can always ask Nott. Or Fjord. Or Yasha when she's here. Okay?"





	Burden of Killing

The first time Beau heard Caleb's story, she could see him as nothing but a victim, manipulated by his teacher whom he was supposed to be able to trust. Caleb insisted that he was to blame, at least partly. That he was not absolved of guilt. Even so, the squishy wizard made her protective instinct flare.

Sometimes though, she could see brief glances of what he had been, back when he was still under the tutelage of Ikithon. He could be ruthless when he wanted to. Their fight with the giants on the road to Nicodranas reminded her that that part of him existed.

One of the giant was downed, while the other was running away, self-preservation kicking in. Beau sighed, shoulders relaxing. She was too far to do anything else. She did not mind letting the Ettin go. Attacking a fleeing enemy left a foul taste in her mouth.

Just when she was about to walk to their cart, she saw, from the corner of her eyes, flash of fiery red. Caleb just cast a Fireball. The Ettin's laugh was cut short as it exploded.

"Did you really have to do that?" Beau wanted to ask as she turned to Caleb. But the words never left her mouth as she stared at a frozen Caleb, arms still stretched out in the giant's direction. Caleb's concentration lost, her body shrunk into normal size. "Not again," she mumbled, trying to push away the cold fear she could feel in her guts. At least, the battle had ended this time, she thought. She waved her hand in front of Caleb's face. He did not react, blue eyes unseeing. It did not take her long to decide to throw him over her shoulder. He might be taller than her, but he was a wispy man.

Unsurprisingly, Nott scrambled to them. "Caleb!" she called him, but he was unresponsive.

"I've got him, don't worry, Nott."

"Okay," Nott said, though she was still wringing her hands nervously. She kept stealing glanced in Caleb's direction as they walked back to their cart.

"Is Caleb hurt?" Jester asked the moment she could see that Beau had the wizard over her shoulder.

Beau shook her head. "He killed the giant. With Fireball." Jester's frown matched the one on Beau's brow.

"He should stop using his magic to kill."

Beau could not agree more with that. She promised herself that she was going to talk to Caleb as soon as possible. He was squishy, he should stay in the back line and leave the killing and maiming to her and Nott.

* * *

 

"We need to talk," Beau said as she sat in front of Caleb, who had taken a seat in the corner of the bar, where he could put his back to the wall and see everyone in the room.

Caleb looked up from his book. His lips turned down even more than usual, his eyes flickered to Beau's side, as if he was calculating his chance to get out of this talk without being physically dragged and humiliated in front of everyone. "I have a feeling I won't like this conversation," he said dryly. Even as he said that, his shoulders slumped, resigned.

Beau pushed one of the tankard towards Caleb, as if it were a gift to appease him. Caleb took it, watching her with narrowed eyes. "I won't beat around the bush, you should stop killing things with your fire," she said, looking him in the eye to make sure he knew how serious she was about this. Caleb's frown deepened. "You always become catatonic after it --"

"Not always," Caleb protested, which Beau ignored.

"-- and this time, we were lucky that we were not in the middle of a battle when you got lost inside your head."

Caleb ran his hand through his hair as he sighed. "I hate burning things to dead as well." His eyes flickered down as he bit his lower lip. It was as if he wanted to add more but refrained. Beau did not push. Otherwise, the wizard would run. He was as skittish with his friends as he was with enemies. "But I do what I have to." He shrugged. "You know there are times when you cannot get close enough with the enemies and ranged attacks are proven to be useful."

Beau opened her mouth, ready to argue. She clamped it shut, saying nothing. She was passionate. And because of that, she sometimes, steamrolled someone without meaning too. So this time, she mulled her thoughts over, making sure she could convey her thought precisely, without room for misinterpretation.

"Your offensive magics are useful, I'll admit that. And I'm not trying to tell you to not fight, because I know you're a powerful wizard and I'd be an idiot to stop you from helping us fight," she said, choosing her words carefully. "It's just... When the enemies are dying... You leave the killing blow to me." Caleb did not argue, though his frown had yet to fade. "And if I can't, you can always ask Nott. Or Fjord. Or Yasha when she's here. Okay?"

Caleb did not say anything for the longest of time, merely watching her with his sharp, sharp eyes. He seemed to search for something in her. She stared right back at him, unflinching. Caleb was the first to look away, sighing. It seemed he found whatever it was he was searching for in her. "I will try," he said.

Inwardly, Beau let out a sigh of relief. A part of her wanted to snark him. It was not like she was asking something crazy. She just wanted him to minimize the risk of his spacing out in the middle of the battle, which could get him killed. She did not let it show. Instead, she smiled beatifically at him. "That's all I ask."

He blinked owlishly, surprised. "It's weird to see you smile," he mumbled under his breath.

This time, it was her turn to frown. "Good weird or bad weird."

He thought for a moment. Then. "Eh, good."

Her smile widened.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first CritRole fic. I hope I portray the characters right. 
> 
> I like Caleb since the beginning. And his relationship with Nott fascinated me. Later on, as he becomes closer to Beau, their friendship makes me go SQUEE~


End file.
